Finding some intentionality amidst the scroll
The blog has taken a slight pause because I moved house. During all the stress and frantic packing, I relaxed by opening my phone and reading as much out of context information as I could until my brain felt fried. It wasn't particularly enjoyable and yet I kept doing it.
I wrote in 2017 (!) about my contentious relationship with the internet:
I devour information, stories and facts and the internet is a constant stream that is hard to resist. A brief diversion to look up some details for a story can turn into an hour-long rabbit hole, where you end up miles away from you started. It's addictive in the simplest sense, you get knowledge as a reward for looking it up. It's a perfect Skinner box.
All of that remains true and it's disheartening to see how little has changed. I would add I am generally curious about the world the internet can feed that. A scroll of Reddit gives me extremes of human behaviour, along with media I'm are interested in and thoughts I hadn't considered, each one a thread waiting to be pulled. Social media shows me an endless scroll of things designed to capture my attention and it's hard to resist. I never signed up to Tik Tok, but Instagram now has endless reels that can suck your time away.
(Side note; I do think the pandemic threw a wrench into how we use technology. Suddenly we were connected all the time as a way to communicate with the outside. People who spent less time online were on it for hours at a time, which has led to a rise of conspiracy theories and instability.)
Anyway, I find myself increasingly wanting to not fill every second of downtime with constant stimulation. If we don't sit and do nothing and let our default network whirr for a bit, we aren't processing information or allowing ourselves time to come up with new ideas. I've found writing hard in the last few months because I'm not allowing myself time to chew over things, or to notice the detail of the world around me.
So, once again I am attempting to cut back on my internet usage. I want to reframe how I use the internet and my phone specifically. I think having constant connection isn't the way forward for anyone, it does something strange to my brain and I'm not a fan of it. I listened to Cal Newport's Digital Minimalism on audiobook and am attempting a digital declutter. The book itself is mostly helpful, with an emphasis on it not being a detox, but a way to reframe your usage in line with your values. It's near impossible not to use the internet, but you can use it more intentionally. (I do think the values he offers in place of the internet are quite traditionally conservative and may not be suitable for everyone.)
For my declutter, I'm not going on social media or forums like Reddit for a month or so. Writing here is alright as that's producing something. I'm also avoiding Youtube and podcasts, with the aim of not filling my head with other people's voices. Doing so will hopefully let me see what is essential and what just adds to the noise.
I've been doing it for a week and find myself itchy to consume information. But I also notice a slow shifting into stillness, feeling my thoughts settle more. I've been writing once again, refinding the quiet and attention required for poetry. I've been chugging through a reread of Lord of the Rings and am enjoying immersing myself in another world. Already I have some ideas for what is essential for me and what isn't, but I'll let the experiment run it's course.
My expectations are that once this decluttering is over, I'll be intentional with it for a little while. Then at some point I'll notice I'm spending a lot of time staring at my phone and I'll have to reset again, but that's ok. These things are cyclical and I'm not expecting a quick fix. Instead, I'd like to reframe my usage of the internet from passive and unintentional to active and intentional, using it as the tool it is.
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